Who invited a maxi pad to my wedding?

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary. I've been blilssfully married to my husband, Mikey, for eight years. We had an informal, early morning wedding by the beach, followed by a breakfast reception at Burleigh Heads on Queensland's Gold Coast. 

I got ready for my big day in record time - 45 minutes! The ceremony started at 8.30am, so no time for delays. Get dressed, in the car, drive to the restaurant and walk down the aisle, although the aisle had a little surprise guest I wasn't expecting.....

You see them in ladies’ room dispensing machines, you see them in the supermarket shopping aisles, but you don’t expect to see them while you’re walking down the aisle.

At the time of the pad incident, Mikey and I were living in London. We returned to Australia to get married with our family and friends in a restaurant on the beachfront. Very casual, very relaxed, no stress. My father was walking me down the makeshift aisle when, unexpectedly, he bent down to one side. Was he having a stroke? A heart attack? What was he doing? This was our wedding day damn it, he can’t keel over metres before the altar! As I hadn’t seen my friends in almost two years, my eyes were dashing around the room – I hadn’t even noticed the maxi pad my father was leaning over to quickly place in his side trouser pocket. Upon seeing the pad, my nervous giggle kicked in. Was I looking that gorgeous that no-one even noticed an unused sanitary napkin on the floor?

After giggling my way through most of the ceremony, we sat down to eat. People were asking me what the devil I was laughing about while exchanging vows. With all the excitement of marrying Mikey, I had totally forgotten about the pad incident and had to ask Dad to remind me of what had happened prior to the nuptials. I was wondering if it was a wedding day tradition I hadn’t heard of.  Did one of our guests have their period and drop a pad on the way to the ladies? I remember that when I was in high school, the mode of transport for a maxi pad was to place it in the top of your undies, against your tummy, holding it in place until you got to the loo – were women still doing this?

Did you have any uninvited guests to your wedding day?

This is an excerpt from my book, The Vagina Buffet, now available in eBook format here.

Comments

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