Vagina Buffet

Merry Hairy Christmas

I’m all sorted! Christmas shopping = done. Pedicure = done. Haircut = done. Half leg and bikini wax = done. Spray tan = this afternoon.

I’ve never understood the phenomenon behind being hair-free and perfectly coifed for Christmas day, and this year, I’m no exception. We’re spending December 25^th on the beach, so if there’s any chance of my swimsuit coming out, I need to be waxed. I am a hair-bear. I was also due for my six-weekly haircut, so if I didn’t get that done this week, I would have to wait ‘til New Year. 

I’m sending special love to all the hairdressers and beauticians this time of year – I know how hard you all work to get us ready for Santa. I’ve been there. When I had my waxing salon, the week before Christmas was absolute mayhem! Thirteen-hour days, one client after another, no breaks and on your feet all day. Simply exhausting!

2012 has been a crazy, rollercoaster year for me. I launched my book in April after spending the previous five years writing, learning how to self-publish and bringing the whole book to life. My design team, my editing crew and my loyal family and friends helped me pull it all together and I am eternally grateful to all of them. Mikey, in particular, has been the most amazing, supportive and loving husband. I don’t know what I would do without this wonderful man by my side.

After the book launch, I went straight into marketing and working with my fabulous PR guru-ess. My background is in advertising and marketing, but somehow when it’s your own product, it’s different. Your heart and soul, blood, sweat and tears are in every page and dealing with the media isn’t easy. People either love or hate what you have to offer and I’ve had to toughen my skin. I’ve encountered some incredibly rude people this year, but what makes up for it is the awesome new people who have entered my life. The feedback from the book has been overwhelming. In small ways I have changed peoples lives, and that, to me, is the ultimate reward. I can’t thank you all enough for your support, your encouragement and your words of wisdom. I am truly blessed.

It’s now time to take a little break. Daycare is closing down for summer holidays, and we’ve decided to start renovating our house. I’m going to be a full-time mum and project manager in one. I’ll let you know how I get on.     

I’m wishing you all festivus fabulousness and a spoonful of craziness for 2013. My thoughts go to all the people who have been affected by natural disasters, or have lost loved ones to crazed, not-worth-mentioning, gunman. Peace and beautiful angels to you all.

Happy holidays! SJx

Your awesome vagina

By guest blogger, Caitlin Grace

Read that title again.

It’s not often we see the word awesome and vagina in the same sentence. Instead we are told how unacceptable it is. We are reminded that we smell and that we are too hairy and how loose we are.

Our vaginas are amazing! They can hold a tampon in place and comfortably accommodate a penis and lets not forget that they can also birth a baby. Hmmm when you line all those things up side by side not one of them is even remotely the same size so that in itself is a pretty clever trick. How do we hold in a teeny, tiny tampon and yet stretch to fit a penis?

It all comes down to the wonder of our design. When we engage in foreplay (I know some guys just don’t get it *sigh* we’ll have to save that for another blog!), it stimulates your uterus to contract and move back out of the way to make room for the penis (I can almost hear her mobilising the troops “Ok girls get ready and LIFT”). In fact all that tongue, tangling kissing (apart from being fun) helps your vagina to relax and open up as there is a direct link between your mouth and your other set of lips.

A loose mouth means a loose vagina. As soon as your mouth opens up, relaxes and softens so does your vajayjay. Try it and see for yourself.

I read about this during my first pregnancy in a book called Spiritual Midwifery where they recommended the husband kissing his wife during labour to help move the baby down the birth canal. As my own labour progressed and I was trying to push, I remembered this and relaxed my face, mouth and throat and sure enough on the next push out popped (ok it felt nothing like a pop! Trust me) my son.

We all know that we are supposed to do our pelvic floor exercises and this is why. All that lifting and shifting to make room for penises and pushing out babies’ means those girls get a bit loose over time and, just like any muscle, they need to be maintained.

A normal, healthy vagina is self-cleaning (not like those “self-cleaning” ovens they advertise that still actually have to be cleaned). All of those lovely juices we secrete are a self regulating cleaning system to maintain our vaginas pH balance, so if you are a little bit whiffy it means one of two things (1) you just had sex in the past 24 hours or (2) you have a medical condition and should see a doctor.

What this means is any time someone is joking about "fish" smells they are (a) jealous because they aren’t having sex (b) don’t realise that it is sperm (mixed with our heavenly scent) that smells (c) all of the above. So to all the men out there can you please realise just how tolerant we have been all these years for taking the blame for your smelly 'love seeds'? Thank you. And ladies, please realise what an awesome vagina you have. Yes, really!

 

Caitlin Grace is an Intimate Relationship Whisperer and Wellbeing Coach and feels she has been preparing for her role her whole life. She is an accredited Journey therapist, Reiki level 3 and EFT practitioner.

Caitlin’s driving passion is to help people live their best lives through empowering them to take charge of their own wellbeing. She is a strong advocate of the mind body connection and believes we can only be truly well when we have let go of our underlying limiting beliefs.

Caitlin has been married and divorced and has been in her current relationship for twenty years. She has three sons, four step daughters and nine grandchildren.

Caitlin is a self-proclaimed Sex Goddess and empowers other women to become the same.

You can read her blog posts here: http://cgrace4wellbeing.blogspot.co.nz/  and to book a session with her here http://www.cgrace4wellbeing.com/wellbeing-intimacy-packages.php

 

In celebrity vagina news...

I love Kelly Osbourne. I watch her on Fashion Police every week, I follow her on Twitter and I want her fabulous purple hair! She’s been hit with almost everything life could possibly throw at her, yet she’s come out the other side, an inspiration. She’ll tell you she’s not perfect, but heck, who is?!

She recently attended the Cosmopolitan Ultimate Women Awards and when asked what the best thing about being a woman was, she said, "The best thing about being a woman is having a vagina."

Well Kelly, I agree. 

Vaginas are flippin’ amazing and so are the women attached to them. We orgasm, we bleed, we push babies out of them. Vaginas are as individual as snowflakes and it’s what sets us apart from our male friends. Kelly, you are equally amazing and, if you’re up for it, I’d love to have you appear on my celebrity vagina page. Just have your people, contact my people. 

In other celebrity vagina news, Anne Hathaway has been photographed flashing her bush-free muff (à la Britney Spears). She was attending the New York premiere of Les Misérables when her super-tight Tom Ford dress rode up and revealed she wasn’t wearing any panties (you can see the uncensored photo here). Now I’m totally up for not wearing underwear to bed, I like to let my little lady friend ‘breathe,’ but to not wear nickers to a public event seems a little crazy to me.

I’ve been experiencing light bladder leakage lately and a big cough or a huge sneeze ultimately leads to a spot of urine in my undies. So there’s just no way I would go out, especially in a designer dress, without underwear. All I can say is, Anne, you must have a great pelvic floor!

Until next time, keep your undies on and your legs closed. SJx 

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