Here, I ask celebrities to share the ins and outs of their lady bits. This weeks "Celebrity Vagina" is...
Lissa Rankin, MD. Lissa is an integrative medicine physician, author, speaker, artist, and founder of the online communities LissaRankin.com and OwningPink.com.
1. Do you have a pet name for your vagina?
I call her Yoni. And yes, she talks to me.
2. Have you ever vajazzled your vajayjay?
Um. Yes. But don't tell how much she likes little plastic paste-on and glitter sparkles before I go on TV. (Makes me feel invincible. And the TV hosts have no idea what's going on down there, which is my own version of imagining people in their underwear.)
3. If your vagina was a cupcake, what flavour would it be and why?
Carrot cake. Because I'm spicy. And moist. And cream cheese icing is the best.
4. Do you have any crazy waxing stories you'd like to share?
I feel compelled to share this clip from my book What's Up Down There. This was my answer in response to a question about whether it was safe to wax your bikini line at home. Be forewarned. It's graphic.
One hot summer day, I decided to try biking waxing myself at home. After all, I’m a gynecologist, I reasoned. How hard could it be? With no one around and bikini season upon me, I pulled out the home waxing kit a friend gave me as a gag gift and plugged in the wax. One simple step, and I’d be bikini-ready.
Or so I thought.
Hours later, I found myself sitting on one of the blow-up donut pillows we send home with women after they give birth, slathered in aloe vera and numbing myself with an ice pack. Needless to say, I learned a few things.
Lesson #1 DO NOT apply hot wax without testing the temperature first. Hot wax burns the bejesus out of you. And that butt-ugly burn sticks around.
Lesson #2 Let the wax cool completely before pulling it off. Otherwise, the wax will not come off in one fell paper-ripping swoop. Instead, it leaves a gummy hornets’ nest of sticky, hairy, tangled goo that scissors can’t cut and additional strips won’t remove.
Lesson #3 Go out and buy nice skinny wooden applicators, rather than using the humungous two-by-fours they include in the kit. It’s impossible to craft a porn star landing strip using a canoe oar. Without the help of a nice, delicate, wooden applicator, you’ll wind up with a cue ball for a coochie.
Lesson #4 Don’t use the fancy-schmancy scissors you use to cut your bangs to chop out clumps of wax-laden pubic hair. They’ll end up in the trash can, stuck to the toilet paper you tried to use to mop up the extra wax.
Lesson #5 Make sure you pee before you start waxing. Nothing like acid on a wound to send you through the roof.
Lesson #6 Load up on that wax removal product the kit recommends buying. Since my waxing was a spur-of-the-moment decision, I proceeded without any clean-up aids. Hours later, there I was, pubes tangled in the equivalent of chewing gum, careening bare-assed through the kitchen in search of utensils or products that might rescue me from my waxy nightmare.
Lesson #7 Avoid all alcohol while waxing. Halfway through this ordeal, I sought solace from a leftover margarita, still in the martini shaker from the previous night’s Mexican fiesta dinner party. All this achieved was a reduction in my inhibitions, resulting in Lesson #8.
Lesson #8 Vegetable oil does not clean up bikini wax. Sure, it works great to remove the beeswax I use for my art. But bikini wax plus vegetable oil equals bloody disaster (literally, by this point).
Lesson #9 Make sure you put your head hair up in a clip before embarking upon a bikini wax adventure. When the wax meant for your pubes ends up in your locks, it gets ugly.
Lesson #10 Think twice about whether you really want to be a middle-aged woman with the va-jay-jay of an eight year old. I have to say, once all was said and done, I felt robbed.
And even if I didn’t, I’m far too scarred from my one horrifying experience to fly my airplane down that landing strip again, if you know what I mean. Is it safe to wax your bikini line at home? Maybe, when forethought and sense are employed. However, the moral of my story is this- do yourself and your coochie a favor and seek professional help.
5. If your vagina had a voice, what do you think she would say?
Be gentle. Nurture me. Trust my intuition. Love me. Go slow. Earn my trust. Then unleash me and go wild.
Heartfelt thanks to Lissa for taking part in Celebrity Vagina - you're an absolute gem!
Denise Duffield-Thomas, coach and author of Lucky Bitch.
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Huge thanks to Denise for taking part in Celebrity Vagina - you're an absolute star Denise and we love you and your book!
SJ Tierney, author of The Vagina Buffet.
(I'm not a celebrity, but I wanted to share my answers with you)
1. Do you have a pet name for your vagina?
As a child, our family name was "fur burger." However, she now gets fanny, giny, girlfriend and lady bits - I like to mix it up!
2. Have you ever vajazzled your vajayjay?
Yes, several times. I feel like I'm walking around with a sparkly disco ball in my panties!
3. If your vagina was a cupcake, what flavour would it be and why?
A red velvet cupcake with a pink love heart on top. The best tasting cupcake ever known to woman or man!
4. Do you have any crazy waxing stories you'd like to share?
I have plenty. The one that stands out for me is when I had a Brazilian wax in London and before the beautician started waxing, she proceeded to trim my pubes with large material-cutting scissors. I thought she was going to cut my clitoris off!
5. If your vagina had a voice, what do you think she would say?
Thank you for loving me and accepting me for the shape and size I am.
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I'm always seeking female celebrities for my highly-viewed celebrity vagina page. If you are a celebrity and would like to take part, I'd love to have you here. Please contact me [email protected]
